I can vividly recall my body sliding down my closet door. By the time my butt hit the floor, I was in full-fledged tears.  I was sitting in a dark closet all by myself, bombarded with this overwhelming flood of emotions.  At the moment, I couldn't put words to the influx of tears, but one thing was for sure – my mind was racing. My mind and emotions had caught up with my tired body - the reality of the weight of motherhood had finally hit me. See, I had been so caught up in mothering and operating on autopilot for weeks that this was the first real moment I had to myself. And in this fleeting moment of solitude, I thought to myself, "OH MY GOODNESS! I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR PROTECTING AND CARING FOR SOMEONE ELSE FOR ATLEAST THE NEXT 18 YEARS! How do I protect him from the cruelty of others? What will I do when I don't know what to do?". Some might question if I had thought of any of this while he was in my womb, and perhaps I did. But the fact that I could see, touch, hear, and smell this child made things even more real. Every time he cried, there was something on the inside of me that wanted to cry too.  It wasn't sadness, but this connection that drew me into his emotions, and no matter what was going on, I wanted to swoop in and soothe whatever was discomforting him.  I had never in my life felt a connection so strong with another human (not even my husband).  All the while, I'm wondering to myself, "God, are you sure that you trust me with this responsibility? Someone else's life?".
At that moment, with a constant stream of tears flowing down my face, I was reminded that I needed to allow myself to be vulnerable and simply feel. Being responsible for another person is far more than a trivial task, so it is only natural to feel varying emotions and ponder the unknown. It was time for me to normalize my motherhood journey – good, bad, ugly, and anything in between.
To all my fellow mommies, there are many purposes in life that you are created to fulfill, and one of those has been to be somebody's mama. There are days when you feel like you are on top of the world, days you want to sit in the corner and cry, and days that you want to throw breakable objects at the walls. When it feels like the weight of motherhood has hit you, take a moment to allow yourself to be vulnerable and feel, and be sure to connect with other mommies because you are not alone.
In moments of doubt, despair, confusion about the unknown, triumph, and victory, I encourage you to seek refuge in this community of mothers.  We are a pride - a safe space that allows moms to communicate, question, and receive support through the entire journey of motherhood.
Mom, you are caring, nurturing, and fiercely protective.  On your most chaotic days, you are breathtakingly beautiful! And trust me, the act of mothering and nurturing another being is not always easy but remember that you embody the raw power and strength of a woman, so let's hear you roar.Â
